he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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