he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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