If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
