I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
