Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
