Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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