so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
