How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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