i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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