In the future we'll all be gay
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
