Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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