My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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