After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
