God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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