your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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