I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
