Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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