I can text with my tongue
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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