Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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