Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
