32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
