HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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