Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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