drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
