She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
