he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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