oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
