Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
