how do flat chested girls get laid?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
