I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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