They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't notice because vodka
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
