he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
