By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
