We got so high we made milksteak
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
