Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
