im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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