dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
