Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
