i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
