I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
