I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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