dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
