Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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