I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
