ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
