hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
