Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
