I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
