And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
