so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
