I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we made out on top of his cat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
