Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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