Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
