hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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